lovefile: To my husband

lovefile: To my husband: Ishi, I’m pretty sure this is a name you have come to know by now and I've told you the genesis of it, If I haven’t…..do remind me ...

To my husband

Ishi,

I’m pretty sure this is a name you have come to know by now and I've told you the genesis of it, If I haven’t…..do remind me to tell you… it’s just one of the many treasures I stored away whiles combing through the scriptures… I must admit you were the first person I thought of when I found it (nahh.. u came in second). I’m wondering were u will find this, knowing me... it could be anywhere, I dunno… maybe in a box somewhere….

I wish you could hear the song playing in the background as I write this, it’s exactly 12 midnight, I know u’d love it, but then again I’m still trying to figure out how to put my heart on paper (yeah its bursting!!!). 

How do I start this?

How do I tell you about the many and very silly childhood dreams I’ve had about you?

How do I tell you about the dreams I have about our family vacations together (I hope by now we’ve had at least 10)

How do I begin to tell you about the sweet torture I plan to put u through when I’m carrying all your kids… yap I did plan it….down to the strawberry and yogurt cravings…..

How do I begin to tell you I know God had me in you when u were made…..I’m sure you know that one by now cuz…

Who else can deal with my little idiosyncrasies the way you do?

I don’t need anyone telling me I’m stubborn, bossy and crazy all rolled into one mixture….you’ve had to deal with the whole package I know….you seem to enjoy that part of me too… I dunno how u handle it cuz I drive myself crazy….. wanting to strangle you one moment and the next minute thinking I can’t live without you, or crying and laughing all in the same breath…(mmhmm the drippy nose, puffy red eyes and all.. don’t laugh)…God bless you heart Ishi.

If I had to run, I f I had to crawl, if I had to swim a hundred rivers just to climb a thousand walls always know that I find a way to get to where u are, I know I used the line again, that should only tell u how much u mean to me…its old but remains true till this day……. I told you I used to scale my dad’s wall, that's a story you can't share with the kids till they are 40... yeah... I mean that...

There are many things I really do want to share with you…. especially my life pre-you... they made me who I am, they might help you understand crazy me a lil bit more, sometimes I fear that my time with you in this life won’t cut it but someone just reminded me that eternity still counts.

That brings me to this, I prayed for you every time I thought about you, I prayed that you would know Jesus and build your relationship with him first (lol.... maybe that was a selfish prayer……so that you’d love me like he loves the church), I prayed that He would mold you to be more like him so that I can submit to you as I do unto him, I prayed that he’d prepare you to be a father like His father is to our children. Speaking of children, I prayed for the kids… that they would be sweet darling angels who would make our hearts glad no hypertension... yep all 8 of them… (You owe me if we only have 5 by now).

I prayed that he’d keep you safe and sound, protect and provide for you, make you a blessing to those around you, I prayed for wisdom to be your guide, joy to be your strength, peace to guard your heart and mind and love to make you more like him... I prayed…cuz...well…I had to keep myself busy whilst waiting for you, it was a long, tiring and often despairing wait but it was worth it…. I would do it over and over again if I had to ….you were worth it all and sooo much more cuz you deserve all of me….. I figured I’d rather stay single than give my heart to anyone in the name of just being normal. I wanted to give you all of me, my heart; not broken, tainted or disillusioned cuz of someone else. It would not have been fair to make you take care of all my excess baggage when the only burden I want to carry is that which the lord allows me to share with you.

I really could go on but I think I hear the door to your study opening and you need to deal with that child or….yep... I will skin you if you don’t. Anyway I’m pretty sure you will find more of this as the years come along

So if I haven’t said it today Ishi, I love you, with all of me, you’re the only one who makes my knees go jelly, I still get butterflies in my belly at the sound of your voice…..you make me wanna be better, only with you do I feel like a baby and superwoman all at the same time…..I will keep your heart safe with….

                                                                                                 All of me……

But you loved me anyway, with all my scars, disfigured beyond recognition. You made me perfect and good, my will destroyed your work, my choice led me down a path. With ideas of my own tucked in heart I ended up marred, scarred and broken, with all hope lost, but you loved me anyways.......... oh the strings of love that pull me close, and tug at my heart when i let loose, urging me on back to you.......... I follow the path of love, and i find your waiting arms. Your hands on my broken soul, bringing me back into your fold, casting me again into your mold, Cuz you loved me anyways........... And so i emerge, more lovely than first, ready to make my way again, leaving the warm cocoon of your love with new strong wings. Ready to fly out and make my mark, this time i'll go your way, this time i'll let you lead me, this time you'll be right by my side, cuz you loved me anyways....

OK.......... So its really been a while and I hadn't realized how hard this blogging thingy could get. Time is definitely of great essence. I'm going to try to stay on course and update this regularly. why did I start this in the first place? well its just an outlet on the stuff i feel when it comes to Love coming from my father's heart. It's definitely going to change along the line ( i mean content) but will generally point to the same thing: love from my father As i get to learn the many ways he shows his love not just to me but the world....i'll share ...so yes that's what this is all about... me learning love!!!!!!!!!!

In love all over again

I fell in love all over again.....had a date i did not even plan for, before i knew it He had whisked me away.......
He gave me another reason to love him.....hidden treasures in his secret place.

I fell in love all over again and happily discovered another reason to love him....another opportunity to let him know about my commitment and pledge myself to him again.

I fell in love all over again...and yes He caught me again....I felt His arms all round me.......wrapping me in His embrace.Every song came from His heart and yes I caught a glimpse of his heart.....a love so pure, so true.....

I fell in love all over again with my beloved....my friend....my savior....my Jesus...my Lord.

last night you allowed me a glimpse into your heart
at first i started to wail and cry, then i started weeping
and before long, all i realised i was doing was just moaning and groaning
you allowed m a glimpse into the depths of your love and i just scratched the surface
because what i saw was more than i could bear

MY DEEPEST YEARNINGS.....

My dowry has been paid
Each and every day
I wait and wait
Looking out for my groom
Just to catch a glimpse of his face
Eyes gleaming with fire
His hair as pure and white as wool

At night, i see him in my dreams
Clothed in white garments right down to the foot
And girt about him was a golden girdle

How I long for him
How I long to see him again...
my eyes seek to behold him....
my ears...itching to hear his voice

Each time i feel his awesome love radiate from him
I long to hold him and tell him that I still wait for him.....
I keep myself for Him and Him alone...

As the deer pant for water... so I long for him....
My soul moans and groans with great yearnings that cannot not be quenched
Better is one day in your presence than a thousand elsewhere...
Each time I taste of him
my desire for him is fueled and I yearn for more.

My love, My Bridegroom
My King, My Jesus
I need you..... I love you......
Yeshu'ah...Come quickly..