To my husband

Ishi,

I’m pretty sure this is a name you have come to know by now and I've told you the genesis of it, If I haven’t…..do remind me to tell you… it’s just one of the many treasures I stored away whiles combing through the scriptures… I must admit you were the first person I thought of when I found it (nahh.. u came in second). I’m wondering were u will find this, knowing me... it could be anywhere, I dunno… maybe in a box somewhere….

I wish you could hear the song playing in the background as I write this, it’s exactly 12 midnight, I know u’d love it, but then again I’m still trying to figure out how to put my heart on paper (yeah its bursting!!!). 

How do I start this?

How do I tell you about the many and very silly childhood dreams I’ve had about you?

How do I tell you about the dreams I have about our family vacations together (I hope by now we’ve had at least 10)

How do I begin to tell you about the sweet torture I plan to put u through when I’m carrying all your kids… yap I did plan it….down to the strawberry and yogurt cravings…..

How do I begin to tell you I know God had me in you when u were made…..I’m sure you know that one by now cuz…

Who else can deal with my little idiosyncrasies the way you do?

I don’t need anyone telling me I’m stubborn, bossy and crazy all rolled into one mixture….you’ve had to deal with the whole package I know….you seem to enjoy that part of me too… I dunno how u handle it cuz I drive myself crazy….. wanting to strangle you one moment and the next minute thinking I can’t live without you, or crying and laughing all in the same breath…(mmhmm the drippy nose, puffy red eyes and all.. don’t laugh)…God bless you heart Ishi.

If I had to run, I f I had to crawl, if I had to swim a hundred rivers just to climb a thousand walls always know that I find a way to get to where u are, I know I used the line again, that should only tell u how much u mean to me…its old but remains true till this day……. I told you I used to scale my dad’s wall, that's a story you can't share with the kids till they are 40... yeah... I mean that...

There are many things I really do want to share with you…. especially my life pre-you... they made me who I am, they might help you understand crazy me a lil bit more, sometimes I fear that my time with you in this life won’t cut it but someone just reminded me that eternity still counts.

That brings me to this, I prayed for you every time I thought about you, I prayed that you would know Jesus and build your relationship with him first (lol.... maybe that was a selfish prayer……so that you’d love me like he loves the church), I prayed that He would mold you to be more like him so that I can submit to you as I do unto him, I prayed that he’d prepare you to be a father like His father is to our children. Speaking of children, I prayed for the kids… that they would be sweet darling angels who would make our hearts glad no hypertension... yep all 8 of them… (You owe me if we only have 5 by now).

I prayed that he’d keep you safe and sound, protect and provide for you, make you a blessing to those around you, I prayed for wisdom to be your guide, joy to be your strength, peace to guard your heart and mind and love to make you more like him... I prayed…cuz...well…I had to keep myself busy whilst waiting for you, it was a long, tiring and often despairing wait but it was worth it…. I would do it over and over again if I had to ….you were worth it all and sooo much more cuz you deserve all of me….. I figured I’d rather stay single than give my heart to anyone in the name of just being normal. I wanted to give you all of me, my heart; not broken, tainted or disillusioned cuz of someone else. It would not have been fair to make you take care of all my excess baggage when the only burden I want to carry is that which the lord allows me to share with you.

I really could go on but I think I hear the door to your study opening and you need to deal with that child or….yep... I will skin you if you don’t. Anyway I’m pretty sure you will find more of this as the years come along

So if I haven’t said it today Ishi, I love you, with all of me, you’re the only one who makes my knees go jelly, I still get butterflies in my belly at the sound of your voice…..you make me wanna be better, only with you do I feel like a baby and superwoman all at the same time…..I will keep your heart safe with….

                                                                                                 All of me……